Funny Construction Humor

Six Phases of a Construction Project:

1) Enthusiasm

2) Disillusionment

3) Panic

4) Search For The Guilty

5) Punishment Of The Innocent

6) Praise & Honors For The Non-Participants

Directory of Construction Terminology:

Contractor - A gambler that never gets to cut, shuffle or deal.

Bid Opening - A poker game where the losing hand wins.

Bid - A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.

Low Bidder - A contractor who is wondering why he's left out.

Engineer's Estimate - The cost of construction in heaven.

Project Manager - The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.

Critical Path Method - A management technique for losing your shirt under personal control.

OSHA - A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs, and
baloney - usually applied at random with a shotgun.

Strike - An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.

Delayed Payment - A tourniquet applied at the pockets.

Completion Date - The point where liquidated damages begin.

Liquidated Damages - A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

Auditor - A person who goes in after the war is lost and bayonets the wounded.

Lawyer - A person who goes in after the auditors and strips the bodies.